i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
