yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
