I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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