i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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