I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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