If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
