Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
