i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
