ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
