I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
