I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sext me about skeletons
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
