I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
