I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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