My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
