Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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