You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
