the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
