On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Non-Jews are for practice
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
