I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
