I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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