y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
