I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
