THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
