Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
