Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
