did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
