nut hugger
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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