some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
