did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
