Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
