What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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