she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
