hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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