be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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