I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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