I look better un-naked...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
