I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
