she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
