went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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