some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
