Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
