There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
