I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my being single is dangerous.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
