I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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