nut hugger
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
