I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
