he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
