You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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