i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
