I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
